Friday, December 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
With that out of the way. . . . D and I got a new calling at church. I saw that coming a mile away! :) Nursery! When they first called us in, I knew what it was and I was preparing myself to say "NO" even though I knew you're not supposed to say no and i've never said no before! But I just didn't feel ready. I felt like I was still reeling from everything that's happened. But once again, I was given one of the swift uppercuts by the Spirit (I'm pretty sure Heavenly Father has figured out that "nudges" don't work with me anymore!). I'm pleasantly surprised at how much I LOVE it in there! I miss the "grown ups" classes, but I truly feel that this is where we were meant to be right now. Back to the basics :). It's very refreshing!
I thought that by now things would feel a little better. Like i'd feel a bit more healed. WRONG!! I've found that grief has many layers and many stages. One day I'll think to myself "wow! I'm doing so good! Haven't cried today. I can do this!" Then the next, I'm a complete, blubbering mess of tears and snot. . . it just ain't pretty! A dear friend of mine recently lost one of her siblings and my heart ached when I heard the news. I was brought right back to that first day of finding out my dad was gone. My sister and I went to the viewing and I cried just thinking about going. What a devasating thing to deal with while we're here on earth. It's difficult approaching all the "firsts" without my dad. The first family birthday parties for the grandkids. The first Thanksgiving. The first Christmas. Etc. We've celebrated 3 birthdays for the grandkids without him already and each one, I'd look around thinking that something was missing. HIM! On Sunday, my cute little nephew celebrated his 4th birthday and it was such a great party filled with good food, laughter and fun. I guarantee my dad would have been hovering around the snack bar eating plenty of sammies and potato chips and definately olives! It's just so hard to believe that he's gone. That I'm not able to just call him up and tell him how much I love him! That we will be spending this Thanksgiving with a huge void left in our hearts. As we talked about Turkey Day this year, we decided that we'd do something we've never done before. So. . . . we're heading to the Little America. We are gettin' all gussied up and we're gonna stuff ourselves! Thanksgiving was one of my Dad's favorite holidays. He loved all the yummy food and he loved cooking it all.
I feel like there's this odd shaped hole and there's nothing quite the right size to fill it. I used to feel like he was really close right after he died, but now I don't as much. We joke around that he's probly in this eternal rehab and his sponsor is Michael Jackson. I'm sure he's really busy, but I still need him. We are going to finish cleaning out the house this week and i'm dreading it. It's so hard to be there at the house and to think of all the memories that we have there and to see it empty now.
Alright, I better stop. I can assure you that one day I'll be able to write about hope. One day my posts will be filled with happy things again, like puppies and candycanes! Those days have to come right? Until then, bear with me as I weep through my words. I pray for that hope to come. I seek it as much as I can.
Friday, October 28, 2011
I love this pic. Look at Els' face in the background. Miss Pretty was shoving those candy corns in her mouth 10 at a time! Let's just say, we had a toothbrushing party after the cookie making party. :)
Isy is pretending he used the frosting to frost the cookies instead of eating it right off the butter knife. And yes, that's flour in his hair.
By the end of the evening, the sugar high was gone and they were all clocking each other in the head. They were all in time-out and grumpy pants by the time mommy and daddy came to pick them up. But it was fun and that's all that matters.
Last week I got this crazy brained idea one day on my way home from work. I was thinking, like I always do as soon as I get in my car, about my dad. I was thinking about how he loved to take us up to look at the fall leaves in the mountains and about how he loved camping and about how we didn't go camping at all this year! So I thought "why not go up today and at least roast hot dogs and have a fire?" So I rallied the troops (aka: my siblings and kiddos) and we headed up Big Cottonwood Canyon and found us a spot (that may or may not have said "closed for the winter"). It was a blast! The hot dogs were delish!
It was beautiful up there and I really felt a closeness to my dad up there. He loved taking all of us kids up there to have breakfast or to camp out for a night. Those were definately some of my best memories of him!
This week has been a rough one for me. I don't really have a reason, just that I'm bitter and playing the victim! We went to a new support group on Wednesday and it was just so sad for me. I just kept thinking "How did this become my life? I'm at a support group for suicide survivors and I still can't believe that I'm here." I know that probly sounds funny, but most of the time it's still very surreal.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
All tuckered out from playing!
Miss Pretty is in preschool now. We just switched her to a new one because the other one wasn't quite working out. She loves her new class though and is learning so much! She says the funniest things all the time and keeps us on our toes. Here's some funny pics of her baby that lost a leg the other night. Luckily Gma sewed it back on.
Everything else seems to be scooting along. D is on a new, regular work schedule which is nice for our little family! The first time in 5 years that we're both home at night and are able to go to church together. We celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary this year! Can't believe it's been that long already!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Steven Merlyn Lloyd
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
We started some projects this summer. . .didn't necessarily finish them, but we're getting there! Here is our front room before I began painting it (word to the wise. . . hire someone if you can, painting is for the birds!) but we succeeded with lots of whining on my part! I don't have an after picture, because I haven't been able to really clean the front room all pretty to take one. But I promise, you'll get one soon! I do love the after much better! Here's my lil' "Rambo". She has this Tinkerbell headband that she wears like a sweatband! Cracks me right up. Reminds me of when my little brother Ben used to wear his Rambo headband ALL the TIME and that turquoise necklace that I often wondered if I could wear it too.
it's been a fun summer, not too hot (well until recently), we've played outside alot and worked on the house. Miss Pretty gets to go to preschool next week and she is so excited! She's also requesting to go to dance class. Here's a pic of her with her new bike and helmet "Gammy" Johnson got for her.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Auntie Kyr and Miss Pretty being ultra glamorous!
I love this pic! My brother-in-law saying goodbye. It was very sad to see D and his brother weep for their grandpa. He taught them everything they know about fishing and then some.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The kiddos had a blast with the fireworks!