Molasses

I keep thinking i'm gonna get on here and blog about this and blog about that, but I never get around to it. But today, I thought I needed to probably get some of this out there and feel like I was able use this as therapy once again!

Have you ever tried to swim in molasses? I hadn't . . . .until about 5 months ago, when I feel like I was thrown into a pool of it and told to just keep paddling. BTW, I don't know how to swim. Don't ask about the Flaming Gorge experience. . .
I can't seem to figure out how to get myself out of it either! Just when I think I'm gaining ground and about to find my way out of this sticky mess that has become my world, I get pulled down once again.
Most days, I feel like I'm able to get through things and "be normal" and then the thought hits me, like I was finding out for the first time all over again: "my dad is gone." It feels like it was so long ago already and I miss him terribly! I miss his excellent cooking and every time he'd "doctor something up" to make it "his"! I miss his teasing and blaming his farts on someone that wasn't even in the room! I miss his phone calls to just tell me that he loved me!
Last week my mom and grandma moved in with us. For some reason I was very angry with my dad before they moved in. I LOVE them dearly and I have loved having them with us and Miss Pretty has loved it too! But I was just so ticked off that my dad had left and wasn't here to take care of them like he should be!!
And. . . when it rains it pours, our sweet, bestest EVER, babysitter let us know this morning that she wouldn't be babysitting anymore :(.
Just keep pouring that molasses on. . . !! I mean I love gingersnaps and all, but I'm a bit overwhelmed!
I just keep thinking "try to find the positive", "quit asking 'why' and start asking 'what can I learn from this?'". . . . but i'm just so tired. . . .
Don't get me wrong, there have been some very positive things happen in the last 5 months as well! Miss Pretty has been so sweet with my Grandma! She goes up to her room everyday and just chats away with her. I have loved that.
My sis and I got to go on a super fun trip to GA to visit our bestie! (I promise I will post pics later) It was SO much fun! I could have done without the plane ride, but hey, what can ya do! I was able to visit 3 states that I've never been to before and I got to dip my toes in the cold waters of the Atlantic ocean. If only I could bottle up that sound. . . .
So I do have so much to be greatful for, it just seems like I need someone to throw me a life vest so that I can stay above all this muck!